so i sit here. i want to cry. really i do. i just wish you cold feel this. this feeling of calmness in my waves. i just sit here and listen to icp and everything flows away. i want to cry becuase i feel so full and loved. but that will never stay.
i had a dream that josh came back and he was like my best friend and some one shot me. i was pronounced dead but i didn't die. i just got up and walked out of the hospital tent. i went to my furnal and all these people were crying and i walked up and asked what was wrongt and everyone screamed. i think i shouldn't drink faygo before bed. or maybe it is a sign that people do care. but i just don't know. why the hell was josh in it. i seen his name on tv some old 40's movie yesterday. i don't know but it's weird. he didn't kiss me in my dream tho. that is what puzzles me. if we were chummy then why not?
11:55 AM - Wednesday, Jul. 24, 2002
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